BACK TO "THE BENSON BASE" The Correspondence Coarse
by P.A.Bines.
Based on characters created by E.F.Benson.
This story (c) 1994 P.A.Bines
Dedicated to Martin Wixted, who inspired the writing of this story.
 - - - It was a bright, sunny morning in May, and Emmeline Pillson, formerly Lucas, always Lucia, had risen from her escritoire with a frown.   She looked again at the letter of thanks she had received from her correspondent, a Mr. Jessop , who had written from the quaint Essex town of Colchester.   She left her study, and walked over to the Garden Room, where her spouse of so few years, and close companion of many, was applying brush to canvas.    She opened the door in haste, and in doing so, caused the air to move with  some force,  knocking over a small water jar which  Georgie was using to wash his brushes in.  Georgie, somewhat irritated at the disturbance to his work,  (he was currently toiling  over  a piece  entitled "Scene from a Tilling window" which he  hoped  to exhibit at the art show later in the year), emitted a loud "Tut!" and turned round to examine the damage.   "How tarsome!  he said, as  he  noticed the disturbed water jar.   I shall  have  to  get another pot!"
   "Forget the water jar,  Georgie,  I have something  much  more interesting!"  Lucia beckoned Georgie over to a small table, away from the window,  and showed him the letter.   "Here,  read this, then tell me what you think."
  Georgie fumbled in his pocket for his spectacles,  put them on, and read the letter.   "How odd!"  he said.   "I didn't know  you were in regular correspondence with Mr. Jessop."
  "I'm not,  Georgie.   I only met him briefly last year when he visited Tilling for the day.  Do you remember?"  Lucia  paused, knowing  that Georgie would make some comment that would sum up Mr. Jessop to a tee.
  "Wasn't he the rather odd looking young man, with untidy hair who rushed around everywhere?   He pointed that  strange camera at everyone, and kept saying 'I hope this comes out'"
   "My dear,  you've got him to the life."  Lucia knew she could depend on Georgie to remember an unusual character.   "Well,  now he writes to thank me for my very kind letter,  but  I  haven't written to him at all."  She gazed at Georgie  thoughtfully.   "I don't suppose that you..."
  Georgie suddenly acquired a pained expression.  "Certainly not, I wouldn't dream of such a thing.   And," he added,  "if I had, I would have told you about it.   Anyway,", he continued, reading more of the Jessop missive, " he also mentions a letter from Elizabeth.   I certainly wouldn't have sent a letter in  her name!"
  "Me vewy sorry,  Georgie!   But, the fact remains;  someone has sent  Mr  Jessop a letter claiming to be from  me.   and  I  don't understand it.  Unless..." her voice trailed off.
  Georgie looked at her.   The same thought had entered his mind."Unless, both letters came from Elizabeth?" he said.
   "Exactly,  Georgie."  Lucia's voice had more than a  touch  of cold  steel  about it.   "I'm sure I hope that  is  not  the explanation,  for  if  it is,  then it means Elizabeth is up to something..."  - - - At  Grebe,  the home of Major and Mrs  Benjamin  Mapp-Flint,  the suspected letter writer was preparing to participate in the daily ritual of marketing.  She was having a small party to dinner that evening,  namely  the  Padre and Wee Wifie,  The Wyses  and  that usurper  of  her Tilling  throne,  Lucia,  and,  of  course,  her consort,  Georgie.   These,  together with the Major and herself, would  number eight,  and it was expected by those  invited  that dinner would be followed by bridge.   However, Elizabeth, had  decided  read her account of a certain nautical incident involving a kitchen table, which one of the ladies' journals had published recently.  The work, which had been widely advertised in the national press as being "The true story of a harrowing adventure", had been received favourably, and Elizabeth intended to leave the collection of  reviews she had cut out of the newspapers negligently  laying on  a table,  where no-one could fail to see them.   Before  this entertainment could take place,  however,  the mistress of  Grebe had to purchase such provisions as would please her guests, which meant  setting forth with her basket,  and searching the  various shops  for  economical,   yet  suitable,   provender.    Her  one extravagance was to be Dover Sole,  but as she no longer gave her custom to Hopkins,  (since a certain court case involving Hopkins, an unpaid bill and a certain retired Major),  she was  a little  unsure as to what she would get.   The other  fish  shop, though  lower  in it's prices,  offered produce of  a  distinctly variable quality,  and Elizabeth would have to inspect each  item thoroughly before purchase.
  She set off down the Military Road,  for the centre of Tilling.  Her thoughts of shopping were,  however,  somewhat distracted  by other subjects,  mainly the post that morning.  Amongst the usual bills  and circulars,  she had received a rather  strange  letter from a Mr. Jessop, thanking her for her letter on the subject of a Mr.  Pennington-Smythe,  and assuring her that he had no ill feeling to this gentleman over a number of his comments..   The  only  person called 'Jessop'  that  she  could remember  was  a gentleman who had visited Tilling  the  previous year,  and  who had thanked her when she moved out of the way  of his camera.  A brief conversation had taken place when That Woman had appeared, and the conversation was taken over.  Mr. Jessop had later written to her,  (Elizabeth),  asking for her assistance on one or two Tilling matters for a book he was writing,  and he had sent  her,  for her interest,  a story that a friend of  his  had written, and his criticism of it.  Mr. Jessop had asked her for her comments,  but she had not,  as yet,  written back.   In fact, she couldn't  remember  exactly  where  she had  put  the  story  and critique  anyway.   As  for this  present  letter,  she  couldn't understand what it was about.   The letter had made mention of  a similar missive received by Mr.  Jessop from Lucia;   perhaps  she knew something about it...  - - -    Lucia  and  Georgie  were sitting  a   small  coffee  table, pondering Elizabeth's motives, when Grosvenor entered the room."Miss Coles to see you, Ma'am."  she announced.
  Lucia looked up.   "Thank you,  Grosvenor," she  said,  "Please show  her  in."   As Grosvenor left the  room,  Lucia  looked  at Georgie.   "Perhaps  Irene  has heard  something  of  Elizabeth's reasons for this." she mused.
   "Possibly," replied Georgie,  "but as she is the  last  person Elizabeth would confide in, I doubt it."
  Irene sauntered in.  "Lucia, beloved, hello!  Hello, Georgie!" Lucia  winced.   Sometimes,  Irene could be a  little  loud,  and today,  when  Lucia  had a slight headache due to the  amount  of thinking she had done over this letter problem,  Irene was a  lot too  loud.   "Irene,  dear.   How are you?   And what brings  you here?"
  "I couldn't wait to tell you!   I think I've paid back Mapp for her terrible treatment of you before that court case.   And  I've probably persuaded at least one more person to dislike her!"
  Lucia's headache took a slight turn for the worse.   She looked at Georgie,  who,  she could see, also dreaded hearing the latest outrage  performed  by  Quaint  Irene  upon  the  person  of  Mrs Elizabeth Mapp-Flint.  "Go on." she whispered.
   "Well,  it  all starts when I found a opened packet  that  had fallen out of Mapp's basket..." - - -    The story ended.   Lucia's headache,  which had started  as  a slight dart of pain, was now a insistent throb.  Georgie sat back in  his chair,  unable to believe what he had heard.   Irene sat with  a smug grin on her face,  which gradually vanished  as  she looked at her two friends more carefully.   "What's  up?   Didn't you think my story a hoot?  This has paid her back, eh?"
   Lucia looked up.   So did Georgie.   They took it in turns  to repeat the sorry tale.
  "You found an opened packet for Elizabeth in the High  Street." started Lucia.
   "Which,  rather than returning it,  you took home  and  read."  continued Georgie.
   "You then hit upon the plan of writing an outraged  letter  of complaint to the author of the story you found,  on notepaper you copied from that of Grebe."
   "In  addition  to which,  you wrote a complimentary letter purporting to be from Mallards House."
  "These you sent,  having altered the addresses slightly,  to Mr Jessop."
  "In the hope that Mr. Jessop would read the letters, assume from the tone of the letters that Elizabeth was a..."  Georgie fumbled for words.
  "A poisonous old bat.  Yes, I did that.  More than she deserved after that dreadful  "true story of a harrowing adventure" thing of hers!   What's the  matter?  Don't you like it?   I did it only for you, beloved!" Irene could see that there was something wrong.
   "But she is going to blame me!  I made a trunk call to Mr.  Jessop  this morning,  asking him what he meant by his letter.  I asked him to send me a copy of the letter as I thought it was counterfeit.  He said he would send it by special messenger today, by the next available train.  He also said he would send a copy of both letters to Elizabeth, to see if she had any ideas.   And I have to dine with her tonight!"  Lucia put her head in her hands.
   "Tell  her  I did it!   She'll  believe  that."   Irene  said, desperately,
  "She may well do," countered Georgie, "but remember your little parade in that election?   Elizabeth blamed Lucia for putting you up to it.  She's going to think Lucia did the same again, just to spite her."
   "I didn't think of that." conceded Irene.   "So what do we do now?"
  "I'll just have to brazen it out.   Excuse me,  Georgie, Irene.  I have a slight headache."  Lucia rose from her seat  and  went upstairs to lie down and ponder.  Behind her, she left two rather pensive friends.
  "Well, it was getting rather boring round here." said Irene.
  "Yes." replied Georgie,  absently.  Whatever it was now, it was certainly going to be interesting in future...  - O - BACK TO "THE BENSON BASE"